Guatemala

For those who read my blog, I present: The Guatemala Adventures. I will periodically be posting these old emails from my time down there, just for entertainment. Here is the first one. Enjoy.

Subject: Guatemala: The Beginning

No shit, there I was, chillin at the airport in
Guatemala City, laughing my ass off because I had no
earthly idea what I was supposed to do... I will be
updating all of you on my adventures in this strange
land. If you would prefer I didn’t, just email me and
I will take you off the list. Okay, down to business.
It was all going pretty smoothly. I didn’t get
strip-searched at customs, so I was happy so far. But,
my shuttle to the hotel told me to kiss off, and took
all of the pilots and stewardesses first, even though
I was in line ahead of them. The driver told me he’d
be right back. Half an hour later, he showed up, all
apologetic and shit. Needless to say...no tip.

After getting dicked around about credit card payment,
I finally secured a room at the Marriott. Nice place.

I spent a couple of hours watching Sportscenter, and
drinking Soza (kind o like a darker Shiner Bock) beer
at Champions sports bar. I felt at home. That will all
change today, when I take the bus to Antigua, where I
will be staying for ten weeks. The good news is, some
girl I used to work with at Freebirds happens to live
in Antigua, so at least I’ll know someone there.

I need to go get ready for the bus in a minute. Well,
first I need to check my bags at the desk, so I can go
watch the early NFL game before I catch the bus, and
make sure my fantasy football team is still kicking
ass. I have not been offered drugs, prostitution, or
any other illegal activities...yet.

They seem to know who I am, and respect me.

Seriously, Guatemala kicks ass so far. The people are
very nice and the women are better looking than I
thought they would be.

I’ll let you all go. Please email me, but I might not
be able to respond to everyone individually, because I
have to pay a quetzal for every minute I use the
computer. Those damn quetzales add up. I don’t think
I’ll be living in a lean-to, on the side of a volcano,
milking goats and picking berries, as I had originally
feared.

Life is good so far.

Everyone take care and remember to wear clean
underwear.

I can only send to 25 people at a time. So, some of
you can forward this to others who might be concerned
as to my whereabouts (good luck finding someone).
ST

PS These emails will get progressively funnier as I
encounter strange happenings in this foreign land.